Five flavours: Day 11 Bangkok

Soundtrack: “Reptile” The Church

Thanks to my disciplined routine of only having two beers and getting to bed before 2am, I was at least able to be upright with a can of coffee in my hand before 8am. I spent a bunch of time scouring all the shiny influencer travel blogs, the ones totally unlike this one as for one they have shiny photos and links to make commissions from random businesses, and for two clicking anywhere on them has a better than even chance of being unable to actually read anything due to pop-ups and redirects to booking sites. Sometimes it’s a case of finding out the information in spite of all the junk (as opposed to this one, where you might find out the information in spite of the other random wordage that pours out along the way).

Folks say a few things about visiting the Grand Palace. Get there early, it opens at 8.30am and will get hotter and busier later in the day. Taxi drivers and tuk tuks will try to cheat you and rip you off. Dress appropriately because you’re going to a special place. Follow instructions given by official people.

With this in mind I thought I’d try taking a regular bus. Google maps seemed to have a grip on bus routes and times, as the bus numbering seems a little interesting. Some buses are electric, and will have EV in their number. Others look like they barely survived a demolition derby in 1984, ad I think are called standard. The EV ones are airconditioned comfort, the standard ones have windows that open (and maybe close too, I didn’t get to try it). Routs have numbers, like 48, 1, 507, but also an extra bit in brackets like (3-11, 88-31, or similar) and I have no idea what they all mean. And while buses do stop at bus stops, there doesn’t seem to be any guarantee that they’ll pull over to the kerb, as I saw at least one bus just stop in the lane it was in, opened its doors, and folks stepped out into traffic that fortunately stopped.

Fortunately my bus stopped at the kerb, and I was hustled on board by the conductor as I paused to try to work out how to buy a ticket. Bangkok buses, regardless of if they look like they are from the 1980s or 2020s, have a driver and a conductor. Passengers hop on, find a seat or place to stand while the bus keeps moving, and then hand over 20 THB to the conductor for a little printed ticket. The conductor will then stash the 20 THB somewhere on their person, in one of the many pockets of their uniform. It may be that some fares cost more than 20 THB, but that was the only amount I saw get charged. I don’t know if it was just the route I was on, but the bus ride was surprisingly pleasant. It wasn’t packed, so I shortly had a seat, and the chairs are comfortable. There was a little bit of sudden stopping and starting, but we didn’t send up stuck on any railway tracks before oncoming trains. I felt like I actually had time to relax, seeing Bangkok at street level in airconditioned comfort.

The bus slowed down enough for me to step off at Wat Pho (insert something funny about the whole pho Vietnamese soup thing even though they are pronounced differently, the wat/what thing, or maybe just leave this here and let the reader make up their own joke) out of the cool comfort and into the blast furnace. The Grand Palace is walled, with just the one general entrance, and the bus stop was on the other side of the grounds, as far away from the entrance in either direction. Along the way there were a number of signs and murals to the memory of Princes Bajrakitiyabha, who tragically passed away last month after spending several years in a coma. There also appeared to be a number buses of mourners, all dressed in black, arriving, as the Thai’s don’t do grieving for deceased Royals by half, they still revere the late Queen Mother Sirikit, who passed away in October 2025.

It didn’t take long before a tout wandered up to me and asked me where I was going. He then informed me the Palace would be shut until 1pm due to the mourning ceremony. Before he could try to persuade me to take an expensive tuk tuk tour to all of his friend’s shops, I pointed out that the palace was indeed open, and that I’d read up on all the scams like this, and politely told him to fuck off. Well, I didn’t say that exactly, but I just kept walking so he got the idea. All around the palace are big signs that say two things: the palace is open every day, and please use the “next” entrance. While next appears to be a relative term, as I passed several nexts before getting to the right one, but the open bit is true. And if for any reason the palace is not open, it will be on the website, sign posted, and not left to be communicated by random tuk tuk drivers.

I didn’t have anyone try to sell me an entry ticket outside the gates, but that’s another scam: once inside you can buy tickets either from a counter, or at a terminal kiosk. There is also a dressing room inside for the disrespectful idiots who can’t follow simple instructions to wear pants and cover their shoulders. Rocking my new black linen pants I had no issues, though I wonder if I’d gone for a black linen shirt rather than grey I might have been able to sneak into the mourning areas. Possibly a missed opportunity. There were a number of guards at the entry, all with automatic weapons fitted with bayonets, but no ammunition magazines. Maybe they just prefer to stab recalcitrant tourists.

When the King decided to move Siam’s capital to Bangkok, he obviously needed a palace. Keeping the naming simple, it was called The Supreme Grand Palace, and as these were the days before things like constitutional monarchy had caught on in many places, it was also the major government administration centre. The Thais back then built pretty buildings (the world back then built pretty buildings), and subsequent kings added their own touches. Amazing domed chedis and towers and buildings to house sacred relics, architectural works of Buddhist significance, and many murals.

The big ticket item for the palace is the Emerald Buddha. Murals cover many walls telling the history and mystery of it’s acquisition, while the item itself sits atop a large structure in the main temple building. Here again I got to watch foreigners struggle with simple instructions, first take off your shoes, enter through the door with the big sign saying ENTRY, take your damn hat off, and don’t tread on the entry step. I really wonder about people sometimes. I arrived right after a large school tour, and they all managed this fine. There’s no photography allowed within the temple, I’m not sure if this is to show respect or to stop the IG crowd from blocking things, maybe both. The whole inside of the temple is pretty amazing, a crazy tower with the Emerald Buddha on top. If anything, it was a little underwhelming, as it just looks small and green from the viewing distance. Though I guess it’s still a big chunk of precious stone.

The rest of the Grand Palace is definitely grand. There are numerous pairs of fierce looking giants guarding various gates, a huge golden chedi that shines, buildings inlaid with all manner of shiny, from mother-of-pearl to stones and tiles. There are amazing towers, and little things, like lots of wind chimes that were catching the breeze filling quiet moments with gentle music. Not every part was accessible, I suspect some areas only get opened on special occasions. Some areas were clearly restricted entry, whether due to the mourning ceremonies or something else is anyone’s guess.

The grounds also have a number of museums, including the Queen Sirikit Museum of Textiles. The late Queen Mother could certainly rock a frock, and this museum collects a number of stand-out items that illustrate her dedication to highlighting traditional Thai designs and themes in contemporary settings. One of the galleries gives you everything you need to know about sashes, what the design elements mean, and how different designs link to social status. If you like patterns it’s really interesting. The museum also has a gift shop with all manner of interesting souvenirs, including the option to buy various fabrics by the metre, and a bit more fancy and organised than your average Spotlight store.

On my way out I stopped and got what must be one of the cutest icecreams ever, and in a delicious pandan flavour. I only wish they sold the moulds, I’d have definitely bought one.

Wat pho (have you thought up a funny joke on this dear reader, don’t worry, I’ll wait) was next door to the palace so I headed there for a bit more culture. It’s famous for having a huge reclining Buddha statue, and is also open every day, and not just only after 1pm due to some Buddhist ceremonies taking place, regardless of what a random tuk-tuk driver might tell you otherwise. It’s also highly significant to Thai Buddhist folks, so to enter I tried not to cringe at the incredibly inappropriate clothing choices some folks make. It was like a gym workout class had just finished and the participants figured they’d visit a temple next. I’m beginning to see the ubiquitously tacky elephant pants as the lesser of two fashion crimes.

The reclining Buddha is huge, 46 metres long, the largest one for miles around. Big, gold coloured, and in the symbolic lying on his right side pose. Just as amazing as the sculpture is, the soles of his feet feature some magnificent work with inlaid mother of pearl. Wat Pho is also used to raise funds for various restoration and other causes, and there are a number of places to donate. For a donation at the back of the reclining Buddha, you can take a bucket of coin tokens and drop one in each bowl along the wall. Outside, a donation lets you strike one of the gongs (softly is the recommendation) and feeling all spiritual I dropped some cash and had a go, releasing a wonderfully low tone though probably not recommended for extended drum solos.

There are four large chedis, one raised by each of the first four kings, conveniently called Rama I through Rama IV (it must be a mixed blessing for history students, naming them is easy, but then trying to remember which one did what would definitely confuse me — fortunately England put enough time between Charles II and III, and Elizabeth I and II). After these four were built, subsequent kings agreed that these quite stunning towers were enough.

Other buildings around the Wat have been set up for educational purposes, so there are buildings for glassware and ceramics, traditional medicine, and history. Apparently you can even get a massage somewhere on site, so I’m guessing it’d be okay to at least uncover knees and maybe shoulders there. There are also a lot of statues of Buddha around the complex, sometimes with explanations of where they came from and the style of the statue. Others are presented as is, lining pavilions, all up there are over one thousand, so many that even the big one got tired of counting them and had to lie down.

Heading out I found one of the many little gardens, this one had crocodile fountains, and smoke effects. I don’t know how they created these but they looked cool. According to legend, they used to have real crocodiles in the pool, until someone decided having statues would be easier. I’ve got mixed feelings on this, having actual crocodiles wandering around would be pretty cool, but probably a bit cruel on them — plus this way the statues can shoot water out of their mouths, something I’m not sure real crocodiles can do. Some folks might fear the occasional tourist getting eaten, but tourists aren’t endangered around here, and if they were desperate for food I could suggest a couple of tuk-tuk drivers for the job.

After getting another shakedown from a tuk tuk driver telling me I was going to all the wrong places, and he’d put me on the right track, I hopped a bus to one of Bangkok’s biggest and most famous parks, Lumphini. Again I scored an EV AC bus, which made things very pleasant. I’ve also been enjoying the linen pants, they are surprisingly cool in the heat. I think I might need to get some more next time I’m in Hoi An.

Here, right in the middle of downtown Bangkok, you can find Asian Water monitor lizards, which are the second largest type of lizard, second only to the Komodo dragon. I’d Seen one already near the Palace, and it must have been a metre from tip to tail, which I thought was pretty big. But in terms of the water monitors, nope. It didn’t take long for me to spot another of that size, , just hanging out by one of the mini-lakes, but within five minutes I was looking at a specimen that would have been pretty close to two metres long, just hanging out by the paddle boats. I’m only guessing at the size, as even if I did pack a tape measure I doubt I’d find anyone to help just hold it steady while I measured. I took some pics and videos and sent them to a pal back home, A, who is a big fan of all sorts of critters, and she was impressed — she’s also probably the only person I know who’d at least consider helping hold one still so I could measure it. I’d noticed signs at the entrance advising not to feed the lizards, but I gotta say that if one of those FBLs decided to shake down a child for their icecream, I wasn’t going to get in the way.

I wandered the park paying close attention to the ground, both to avoid accidentally stepping on a monitor, and also some patches were muddy and slippery. Saw some other decent sized specimens, including one that just stepped out of the water in front of me and then climbed a tree. Great, not only did I now have to keep an eye on my feet, but these suckers were in the trees too? While I don’t recall reading any stories about the lizards attacking humans, I can’t say that I was that thorough in my reading. All I read was big lizards hanging in an inner city park, and that was enough to put it on the list. And I’ve also seen humans do pretty dumb things, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there was at least one case of an idiot managing to piss one of the FBLs off enough.

One interesting encounter was a pair of lizards each appeared to have half a fish that they were working on eating. The smaller was maybe a metre, the larger closer to two. There were a bunch of crows hanging around too, of course. Out of nowhere came an FBL that was probably 2.5 metres, definitely bigger that either other. It charged straight at the smaller, who took off into the water. The larger one followed — did I mention these suckers are also pretty fast? The smaller one climbed up the opposite bank, while the larger one went back to where the half fish was, opened wide and it was gone. Then it went over to have a chat to the larger one, who grabbed its fish and took off across the water. The larger followed, and maybe it was some sort of pecking order but across the river the chased monitor dropped its food for the larger, who then ate that too. While this was going on, another tourist was getting quite close and filming, which I thought was pushing their luck a little.

Lumphini Park, home to many very big lizards. Oh, and they also have a dog park. Hmmm.

For lunch the maps suggested the nearby Sindhorn Food Court, a surprisingly cheap and decent eating place in a rather exclusive part of town (it’s very close to the US Embassy). I figured I’d probably seen my last water monitor, but there was one swimming along the canal near the rather exclusive looking housing estates along the way. At the food court they have a weird payment system, the stalls take payment by a special card you get pre-loaded with credit from the cashier. At the end if you take the card back they refund you the balance. Though they also have some stalls that take cash. Weird, but a good find, as I was soon munching on some wonderful tom yum fried rice, full of rich lemongrass flavour and just a little phet nit noy, and another food I don’t know the name: take a little bread roll shaped like a mini loaf, grill the outside, then cut a cross in it and stuff it with a paste filling in one of many flavours, so I chose pandan. Delicious, if a weird way to make a sandwich.

Took a car back to the hotel through some of Bangkok’s finest traffic, but it was a bit of a walk to the nearest bus stop.

Heading out for dinner was right as the heavens opened up for a decent thunderstorm. So instead of heading out to a food market and then possibly a drag show, I took a staff recommendation of somewhere closer and waited a long time for a rideshare. Got to the restuarant just as the weather was easing, a place that had a mix of tourists and locals, right on the main Sukhumvit Road. The food was good, but I ordered the wrong things: deep fried crispy pork, tasty but the frying uncrisped the skin and made the meat a little dry, and a seafood noodle in thick gravy, very much a Chinese-style cornflour thickened soup, salty and tasty but I think I would have been better off with one of the stir fries. They also had a khao soi menu, but as I’ll be in Chiang Mai tomorrow there is plenty in my future. From my seat I could see a guy who seemed like he was selling umbrellas, but also seemed to be doing some extra business in strange packets he kept in a separate bag, I couldn’t see what they were and for all I know it might have been legal. Just seemed a little suspicious.

Feeling a little tired, old, having had not quite enough sleep and a lot of walking in the last two days (average around 25,000 steps/day) I even opted out of the drag. I felt like I should at least do one night at House of HEALS, but Wednesdays is drag bingo so not just performance, and while one more time to Stranger Bar would have been nice, a rest was due. So I headed back to the hotel.

Tomorrow morning is a flight to Chiang Mai, where more food and drag awaits.